Today I got braces.
Let me start off by saying, it didn’t really hurt. It’s really weird feeling, and even more weird LOOKING, and it was uncomfordable to eat in and such, but it didn’t really hurt, actually. ‘Cept the loss of Sour Patch Kids. But that was more of a heartbrokenness than a physical ailment.
Here’s some of my observations from my two hours reclined in the orthodonist’s office.
~First off, WHAT THE HECK. The ‘donist puts two rubber placeholders, a mouthpiece to keep your lips spread apart, a spacing appliance, and two little pointy things in your mouth, tells you not to move your head or lips, even encourages you not to swallow— then tries to strike up a conversation.
*Adds all the aforementioned appliances, until Aloha can barely BREATHE*
“Oh, hey, do you watch Modern Family?”
If I nod, I screw with the procedure/operation/ braces-putting-in. If I don’t, they think I’m asleep. Which is another thing.
~I dozed off twice. Neither of the orthodonists noticed. I’m pretty sure I was out for at least forty seconds at a time. They just kept on workin’. Yeesh. It was like Geometry class all over again.
~They really should tell you beforehand that picking ‘black and gold’ as band colors isn’t a good choice. Because from a distance, the black makes it look like your teeth are rotting, and the gold looks like really yellowed molars.
Of course, they failed to mention this when I so enthusiastically exclaimed “Black and gold, please!!” with Artemis Fowl in mind.
~They outruled every snack I enjoy. Popcorn, anything chewy, most candies, they discourage too much soda, no gum, some kinds of chips are off limits, some types of cookies…. Oh, and they tsk at more than a small, occasional amount of ice cream.
Like heck I’m going to listen to the Handy-Dandy List of Things Aloha Loves But Can Apparently No Longer Eat Because Her Teeth Are So Screwed Up So Let’s Make the Braces Uncomfordable and Unflattering AND Take Away All Her Comfort Food.
But I digress.
~ The orthodonist told me I should expect to spend about twenty minutes a night flossing.
FLOSSING. flossing. flossing. flossing.
Yeaaaah. Twenty minutes. Flossing. Riiiiiiiight. Suuuuure. Gonnaaaa stoooop streeessing aaaall theee voooooweeeels nooooow.
Now the word’s starting to look funny. Floss. Haha. Okay. Not amusing.
~It’s embarassing to go out in public now. I’m really working on my “Don’t Care What People Think About My Appearance” maxim. Man, I thought I knew what it meant before. Now I’m trying not to stress about being ridiculed for my rotting-and-yellowed-teeth look. Stupid black and gold.
Oh, atmos, what happened to my smile? Every picture with me in it is going to be closed-lipped grinning. Luckily I can still smirk without exposing the bionic-covered teeth.
So, it doesn’t hurt, but it feels really funny and I look….. well…. I dunno. Not exactly epic. Good thing my loyal internetian subjects of Aloha’s World don’t know what I look like, and you guys don’t care. Also, it’s good I can blog without speaking because
~All my sentences are slurred. Seriously. Okay, so you think you sound funny with braces? I also had to get an expander put in on the roof of my mouth, this really weird wire appliance that cuts my mouth room by half. When I speak and roll my tongue up to the top of my mouth, it’s suddenly a very short trip. I can hardly speak. My mom keeps making fun of me for it. Grrrr. Not even funny.
Dad thinks it’s amusing that I have to really reach my mouth out and almost spit on people to pronounce my ‘S’s. But he had braces when he was in high school, so he sorta knows my pain.
Oh, and guys, my parents are getting kind of wary because I’ve been online so much (mostly blogging, IMing, a little NaNo), so I’m taking a weeklong hiatus. If I do a blog post or two, it’s probably in computer lab. If I post… I dunno. But for the most part, I’m going to be off el comp. Don’t want to tick them off any more. The last thing I need is this blog suspended or my internet privilages taken away. So, hasta la vista, mi amigas y amigos. I’ll be back next Tuesday or something…. *shrug* With a post about the Artemis Rocks! tour and more….
Peace out, chicas y chicos. And remember:
Just keep flossing. 😉