Okay, so every single Zombie Apocalypse survival guide I’ve seen so far is the same strategy– big gun, tight pants, shoot the heck out of ’em. But is that really practical? It may be Hollywood-ready, but could it hold up? Here’s my nerd-view.
How I Would Save the World From Zombies:
1) Get bit/killed/ however the llama you become a zombie. This is not typically the first step in the plan; just wait.
2) Pull an Artemis Fowl and have some type of reminding device (locket, diary, computer chip, whatever) that reminds me of my neverending epic mission to save the world from undead inflintration.
3) Begin to slowly bring back friends and family– remind them who they really are, give them back their brains, if they’re a long-lost lover, kiss them desperately until they suddenly remember exactly who I am and how we had always planned to survive together– in whichever way possible.
4) Thus start a zombie revolution. From the inside.
5) Produce an entire network of undead pro-life (as in, yay humans, bad zombies) activists. Call it ARZA. Advocates for the Removal of Zombie Apocalypticism. Keep this alive (no pun intended) for several years until I have an entire army of zombies to defeat the other zombies.
6) Civil War. Pull a Declaration of Independence on the zombie-force leaders and start this massive movement with the aforementioned guns and tight pants. Except now WE are as hard to kill as they are. Plus, we’d have, like, half the zombies on our side from the prolonged revolution.
7) Win Civil War. Become Supreme Dooming Ruler of the zombies, then hand the world back over to the humans. Unfortunately, there’s no way to reverse the zombie-fying you did to yourself in Step 1, so there’s an alternate plan. Which is:
8. Your only condition for surrendering Earth back to the humans is a large enough spacecraft vessel for all your zombie-allies. You take it and set a course (using the Stargate, of course) for the Pegasus galaxy. Find a nice uninhabited planet. Live your happy little undead lives.
As you can see, not only would this A) be a totally epic movie spinoff, B) be a lot more practical, and C) you’d end up with humans in control of Earth, and yourself in another galaxy. As the ruler of that galaxy.
I consider myself totally prepared for a zombie apocalypse. What is your plan? I’m curious. Let me know. Maybe you have some nerdful ideas/improvements for my survival plan? Drop me a line. Er, a comment.