Things That Do Not Exist

…. But totally should.

1) That seasonal peppermint ice cream you can only get for half of November and December. It’s a standalone brand, WalMart! No need to take it off the shelves come January.

2) Somewhere where Christmas isn’t commercialized. (I will literally travel the world looking for this place. Walk into any store and I want to break down. The holiday doesn’t belong to Jesus anymore.)

3) An actual school (or summer camp, I’m not picky) where teenagers could become teenage spies and travel to Britain, where your main suspect is also a very attractive person of the opposite gender, and you fall in love, find out they’re innocent, and manage to make a few British friends along the way who invite you back the next summer to track down some drug dealer who’s apparently a bit of an idiot because you’re able to totally beat him in the first week of summer vacation.

Alex Rider and Gallagher Girls, what have you done to me?

4) A book-to-movie adaption that lives up to the novel.

5) A Thursday night where you’re not up until one a.m. doing projects due the next day… That you’ve known about for three weeks.

6) An easy and very scientific science fair project that can easily be done entirely the week beforehand with no ill effects.

(Speaking of which, remind me to tell you guys about the time I did my entire science fair project–experiment, board, lab report, presentation notes, and all–the night before it was due.)

(Or… don’t. Because I will never have less sleep than I did that night.)


7) A social life outside the computer that doesn’t rely on appearance, money, or sex appeal for its popularity standards.

8.) An episode of the LXD that’s devoted entirely to Sp3cimen and his epicness.

This is Sp3cimen from the LXD. *fangirl*










9) A world where Neil Patrick-Harris is not gay, is my same age, and lives next door. (I deserve a chaaaaance….)

10) Essence of Chocolate Milk: A new and exclusive perfume line by Aloha.

11) A library that doesn’t have 42 holds before yours on The Hunger Games (I went and bought it, eventually. Not worth the wait just to reread and Gale-fangirl.)

12) Artemis Fowl existing.

13) A fantasy novel written in modern prose.

14) A WordPress-run chatroom for all the bloggers to converse in real-time.

15) Family vacations at hotels or campsites with great WiFi connections. (Do you think our parents do this on purpose? “Give us 2B; it has just enough of a signal to make her THINK she can log on, but she can’t. Haha, let’s see how long she flails with the internet connection.”)

16) A black t-shirt that won’t show the entire world you were just hugging your white-gray horse during shedding season.

17) A world without the dreaded “shedding season”. Where horse hair stays on the horse year-round.

18) Hunter/Jumper circuit show food that isn’t greasy or overpriced, or both.

19) Every single Harry Potter movie on Netflix Instant Viewing. That could lead to dangerous all-night marathons.

20) A full week without sibling rivalry. (I’d settle for even a day, too.)

21) Socially acceptable Zelda cosplaying.


I just glanced at the clock and, lo and behold, it’s Christmas Eve (well, 28 minutes into it, anyway). Merry Christmas everyone! I apologize for my most recent post, a rant buried deep in obscure prose and Harry Potter references.

Next week we’re heading to the state next door to pick up my Mom’s new motorcycle (that’s right, not another Vespa-type scooter; think more Harley), and I’m not sure about the WiFi (see Thing That Does Not Exist #15), so the blog will be in limbo.

At any rate, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! If you have any more ideas of things that don’t exist but totally should, put them in the comments. Maybe we can form a list and petition the government.

Or something.

EDIT: Fail kiribain. I said whoever hit 350 comments would win something or other. Well, I’m at 370-something comments and I have no idea who said anything. So I guess we can change it to 400… no hard feelings?

I’m just totally confused.

About Aloha

A teen writer and future world ruler. Llamas make me happy.
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11 Responses to Things That Do Not Exist

  1. haha! That’s funny Aloha. The part where you forgot to check your comments XD anywho I totally agree with that list. Although there’s a few items I could add… *sighs* I’m going to create a magical boat called starness where everything can come true. Care to join me?

  2. Nia says:

    Wooh for number 3. 😛 ANd the rest.

  3. Tigers Eyes says:

    Number three. My life in a sentence. xD That and Arty.

  4. annanm says:

    I pretty much wish for 9 everyday…. It’s still not happening. So far the only neighbors I’ve gotten is the lady who has me babysit her out of control kids, the guy who stares at me funny when I take a walk with my brothers (you can hear him whispering “damn teen moms”), and the lady across the street who sells sex toys.
    We actually live in a nice town.

    • Aloha says:

      Great… *sarcasm* I feel sorry for you. I don’t interact with my neighbors much.
      Although there WAS that one instance… When my sister was driving away to go take her dog to Petsmart or something, I was running after the car screaming, “DOBBY IS A FREE ELF! HE LIVED AND DIED A FREE ELF!” (We had just been discussing the end to HP7…)
      Then I saw her laughing as the car pulled away. I turned and my entire neighbor’s family was staring at me, open-mouthed.
      Still haven’t talked to them since.

      • Tigers Eyes says:

        Oh, that would be embarrassing, but it makes a funny read… just saying. *innocent*
        And Dobby did live and die a free elf, although he didn’t altogether live a free elf, remember when he served the Malfoys? Does that make any sense? Or did I just say it was wrong and then right? Or… Never mind.

      • annanm says:

        This sounds like a much more entertaining interaction with neighbors than my own. Your neighbors should realize that the matter of Dobby’s freedom is worthy of many proclamations, and should join in your crusades to spread the awareness of his freedom and rather tragic death.

      • Aloha says:

        I’m showing that comment to my sister, who’s been teasing me about this for weeks.

        You are so completely correct. I have a new perspective on this embarassing event. Now I see that it was a matter of diplomacy, bridging the gap between the normal people and the Harry Potter nerds. I am a diplomat. Practically military at this point.


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