Okay, so you seem to be having supernatural problems while trying to juggle the many duties of managing one of France’s largest and most successful Opera houses.
Don’t panic. Our experts at Aloha’s Painless Ghost Extraction (APGE, trademark pending) are here to help. Follow these tips and call our hotline, 1-800-PHANTOM-B-GONE.
1) Take a deep breath. Remember, you’re not actually dealing with a supernatural being here. He has a name. His name is Erik (but don’t actually say it aloud; more on that later). He may be cunning and have a better understanding of the opera house than any other living being, having helped build it and all its trapdoors, but he is mortal and will eventually die.
2) Read the contract you were given at the start of your employment, especially the last several clauses. Remember when you shrugged off the extra payments to the “Opera Ghost” and didn’t leave him his box, fired his assistant, and docked the pay of anyone who dared discuss the “OG”? Yeah, bad plan. Don’t do that. Stick to the contract.
3) LEAVE BOX 5 OPEN UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
4) Don’t wander around the bottom levels of the opera house at night. That’s when people tend to get killed.
5) If you hear the voice of an angel whispering in your ear, back away very, very slowly. And run.
6) Never discuss “OG” by his actual name (Erik). As inconspicuous as it may seem, he can hear you. There are plenty of venilation shafts, so don’t risk it. Refer to him by ‘he’, ‘him’, ‘OG’, or ‘that guy that keeps killing everyone and taking all our darn money’.
7) When there’s an issue that you suspect the Opera Ghost for, don’t immediately jump to conclusions. And don’t go blaming random people (coworkers, friends, family, random audience members, etc). This will only serve to damage relations.
8.) Walking backwards through doorways and paper-clipping your pockets shut will not stop the Opera Ghost. Promise. You just look like an idiot.
9) As for the rest of it, the only advice I can give you is to keep praying and wait for the Phantom to die. Sure, you may not see it in your lifetime, but if you do, congratulations. If you don’t, also congratulations. You’ve managed to survive your first week at the Opera.