What NOT To Do When Your Opera-House is Taken Over by a Ghost

Okay, so you seem to be having supernatural problems while trying to juggle the many duties of managing one of France’s largest and most successful Opera houses.

Don’t panic. Our experts at Aloha’s Painless Ghost Extraction (APGE, trademark pending) are here to help. Follow these tips and call our hotline, 1-800-PHANTOM-B-GONE.

1) Take a deep breath. Remember, you’re not actually dealing with a supernatural being here. He has a name. His name is Erik (but don’t actually say it aloud; more on that later). He may be cunning and have a better understanding of the opera house than any other living being, having helped build it and all its trapdoors, but he is mortal and will eventually die. 

2) Read the contract you were given at the start of your employment, especially the last several clauses. Remember when you shrugged off the extra payments to the “Opera Ghost” and didn’t leave him his box, fired his assistant, and docked the pay of anyone who dared discuss the “OG”? Yeah, bad plan. Don’t do that. Stick to the contract.

3) LEAVE BOX 5 OPEN UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

4) Don’t wander around the bottom levels of the opera house at night. That’s when people tend to get killed.

5) If you hear the voice of an angel whispering in your ear, back away very, very slowly. And run.

6) Never discuss “OG” by his actual name (Erik). As inconspicuous as it may seem, he can hear you. There are plenty of venilation shafts, so don’t risk it. Refer to him by ‘he’, ‘him’,OG’, or ‘that guy that keeps killing everyone and taking all our darn money’.

7) When there’s an issue that you suspect the Opera Ghost for, don’t immediately jump to conclusions. And don’t go blaming random people (coworkers, friends, family, random audience members, etc). This will only serve to damage relations.

8.) Walking backwards through doorways and paper-clipping your pockets shut will not stop the Opera Ghost. Promise. You just look like an idiot.

9) As for the rest of it, the only advice I can give you is to keep praying and wait for the Phantom to die. Sure, you may not see it in your lifetime, but if you do, congratulations. If you don’t, also congratulations. You’ve managed to survive your first week at the Opera.

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Not quite as catchy, but, hey.

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*For those confused, I’m referencing the book Phantom of the Opera. The Opera managers are idiots and can’t seem to realize that they should take the “OG” and his stunts seriously. Even when he starts killing people.*

About Aloha

A teen writer and future world ruler. Llamas make me happy.
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18 Responses to What NOT To Do When Your Opera-House is Taken Over by a Ghost

  1. Olivia says:

    I need to read this book.

    • Aloha says:

      Yes, yes you do =P It’s a bit hard to get into at first, because it’s not like most novels us teens read today. It was written a long time ago and has really flowery prose and lots of description. But goodness it’s a good book.

  2. Mercy says:

    I don’t think I could read it without all the Andrew Lloyd Webber music running through my head!

  3. Nia says:

    I’m currently reading it… 😛 It’s awesome.

    Also, I saw the movie with my mom.

    And POTO is awesome.

  4. annanm says:

    Also a note to the management:
    Monsieur, if your star suddenly seems rather dead to the world and spends her days holed up in her dressing room, one of two things is happening.
    1. That little brat Meg has been giving her decaf again.
    2. She’s been giving her soul to a mysterious voice in a wall.
    If number two is the case, I suggest you evacuate the opera of all patrons and go ahead and fumigate the place. I bet it’s those cockroaches again she’s hearing.

  5. KathrineROID says:

    Even though I have never read Phantom of the Opera, this post made me hoot. Many of those points are sage advice for any haunted place.

    Now I shall go run and see if Phantom of the Opera would be a good read or not.

  6. Seashell says:

    You are too freakin’ funny! I love the way you write.

    • Aloha says:

      Thank you! I really appreciate the comments.
      Your blog is amazing. I wish you the best of luck on your trek to the beach. Things will look up if you have the right mindset 🙂

  7. polojanuary says:

    POTOOOOOOO
    :3
    Elliot approves.

    Oh! Yeah. I’m (Kiera) changing my name to Elliot. Yeah.

    POTOOOOO best. book. ever.

    • Aloha says:

      Hiya Coaster =) Nice of you to drop in XD
      And ZOMAAA a fellow PotO fan. There seem to be lots of them around here… which means, of course, that y’all are AWESOME.
      I agree wholeheartedly.

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