Good Things Happen When Aloha Goes Crazy

Today I found all of the handwritten pages from NaNoWriMo 2010 stuffed in a drawer under my 6th grade yearbook, a couple ’08 calendars, some markers that didn’t work, and the entire American Heritage dictionary.

They’ve been there since December 2nd, when I removed those shameful, hastily-written pages from my sight. Flipping through them, I wondered the entire time what had been going through my mind. The dialogue is horrible, I forgot about one of the main characters (just because I misplaced her profile on day six) until chapter 17 or so, I threw in a couple torture scenes that fit nowhere in my plot because I got bored, and around the end I just started writing about ponies.

But among the mud, dirt, horrible character development, and crappy transitions, I stumbled across a few diamonds in the rough. I thought I’d share those here, for lack of a better post.

(Quick summary– Aaliyah, Zach, Jessie, Nicholas, Gail, Zip, Eric, and Drake are teenagers living in a mental institution that doubles as a Matrix-esque boarding school with psychotic teachers and secret tunnels leading from the storage closet to a torture chamber. IT WAS NANOWRIMO, alright? I had no sanity left, especially as the month went on. It was pretty much just a month of writing practice. I ended this novel at about 35,000 or 40,000 words, although I lost a considerable amount of pages in the laptop transition, so that’s just an estimate word count. It was definitely a learning experience. And sometimes I wrote while drinking chocolate milk. Below is the cover Mercy made for me :D. And yes, it shares a title with this blog. The book actually came first.)








Β Without further adieu, quotes.

That was his flaw. For a supervillan, he was too trusting of his victims.

“Make way, make way!” Dr. Cornelius shouted. His whiny voice echoed on the dark stone walls, the cobblestone floors slick with bloody saliva. He yanked open the cell door, leaving it wide open behind him, and rushed to the center of the group.

It was about ten seconds before he realized his mistake–and about four minutes before he was shivering in the back of the cell, hands tied behind his back and held securely by five lengths of rope, fiberous cloth rubbing his mouth raw.

Gail shook with laughter as they exited the dungeon. Bloody, exhausted, sore as all git-out, but alive. “I can’t believe him. Such an idiot.”

Yeah, my antag’s an idiot and my protag’s too snarky. Wait till she finds out about Zach’s feelings for Zip.

Eric grinned lazily.

“Who’s sittin’ in the tree now, buddy?” Gail smirked, pushing her rumpled black hair out of her eyes.

Zach looked back at Zip, who was shivering, soaked, hiccuping and sputtering, talking in a hushed tone to Nicholas, and nodded at Gail. “I wish. I don’t think she feels the same.”

“Don’t be mental. Of course she does,” Jessie chided.

The joke in that is that they’re ALL mental–that’s why they’re stuck in an asylum.

“Sorry to interrupt the little emotion-fest,” Gail said, in a tone that most certainly indicated she meant full-well to interrupt, before they all started crying and applying for therapy, “But we have the aforementioned problem of escaping this heckhole. Alive, prefferably.”

“As opposed to…?” Eric asked.

“A body bag,” answered Drake.

Eric’s kind of the funny idiot everyone appreciates for breaking up tension. But sometimes he doesn’t pick the best time to be stupid.

Gail crossed her arms. “Focus, guys. Escape now and hope for the best, or stay here and hope for the best?”

“That’s a lot of hoping,” said Zach uncertainly. “I’m not so good with hoping.”

“I say we go,” Eric offered.

“I say we stay,” said Zip.

“We vote,” Gail ordered.

They voted.

And this is more of where the ‘insanity’ part comes in. Nicholas’ the know-it-all of the group.

“It’s a tie?” Aaliyah moaned. “Eight of us… four and four…. Snaaap….”

“My vote can count as two,” Gail smirked.

“No, wait. We’re missing someone.” Aaliyah ticked off names. “Me, Nick–er, Nicholas–, Gail, Eric, Zach, Zip, Drake, and Jessie. We– OH! Ekard!”

“He doesn’t count,” whined Eric. “He’s the same person as Drake.”

“No, he’s not,” said Drake defensively. “The definition of disassociative identity disorder is–” He looked at Nicholas.

“What’re you looking at me for?”


“Oh. Disassociative identity disorder, or DID, includes multiple mannerisms, attitudes, and beliefs that are not similar to each other, exhibited within one body.”

“So just beause Drake voted to stay doesn’t mean Ekard will?” Aaliyah asked.

“Exactly,” nodded Nicholas.

Oh, Wikipedia, how I love you. I printed off 30 pages at the end of October on mental heath issues and spent many a lunch period highlighting the important parts, like symptoms of schizophrenia πŸ™‚

“So we’re going,” Aaliyah said with an air of finality.

Ekard nodded. “Drake’s gonna kill me for this…”

“Wouldn’t that be suicide?” Jessie asked, more to herself than anyone.

Ha, get it, ’cause they’re in the same body? No? Not a good joke? Sorry.

Zip shot her a look. “But we don’t have enough food or intelligence to escape.”

“She’s right about the food,” said Eric weakly, “But I think we’re smart enough to–“

“She means information, idiot,” Jessie rolled her eyes.

In the next one, I used a NaNo dare to create a rhyming war between two characters. I got a little carried away…. So I’ll leave you with this πŸ˜‰

“This is great,” grinned Bryce.

Gail growled. “It’s you I hate.”

“You’re such a pig.”

“I’d rather do Trig.”

“I’m turning orange.” Bryce smirked.

Don’t touch the doorhinge.”

“That’s cheating.”

“You want a beating?” Gail was feeling violent. And poetic. Bad combination.

“You cannot contend.”

“This will be your end.”

“I want to kiss you.”

“Your family’d miss you.”

“What the heck?”

“Kissing–rain check.”

“I’d pay a fortune to see you smile.”

“Jog down Rodeo Road a mile.”

“I’m not getting it.”

“You’re an idiot.”

He smiled. “You’re just shy.”

“No, I’m super-fly.”


Gail made a head-chopping motion. “Cuuut.”

“You can’t derail me.”

“I’ll puncture an artery.”

“Was that a threat?”

“Heck, you bet.”

“This is getting violent.”

“You’ll quickly go silent….”

“Are you talking my death?”

“Your very last breath….”

“Stop loving this!”

“Your misery; my bliss.”

“But I’m your imagination!” It was true; he was a hallucination.

“Destruction is creation…”

“You’re going too deep.”

“What, can’t keep up with me?”

“No, I’m destined to win.”

“Not a contest I’m in.”

“How long can you go, Gail?”

“As long as it takes until you bail.”

“All I want is for you to be mine.”

“On your heart, then will I dine.”

“Zombie thoughts? Don’t be mean.”

“The truth I’ll glean.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“HA!” Gail jumped up triumphantly. “You don’t have to make sense, idiot. It just has to rhyme.”

He sighed. “Will you be mine?”

“No. Stop. I won. The contest is done.”

He smirked. She cursed.

“Now I can’t stop… the rhymes just won’t drop… your head I will lop…” She let loose a battle cry and tackled Bryce.

About Aloha

A teen writer and future world ruler. Llamas make me happy.
This entry was posted in My Writing Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Good Things Happen When Aloha Goes Crazy

  1. BushMaid says:

    There are days I read your blog and I wonder why you aren’t published yet. Today is one of those days. I fully expect to see your epic craziness on the bookstore shelves sometime soon, Aloha! πŸ˜€

    • Aloha says:

      XD Thank you, Bush, you have no idea how much that means to me.

      I was wondering why you didn’t have an anthology at Barnes and Noble, along with your own illustrations, after I read your second-to-most recent post today! It was amazing!

      • BushMaid says:

        Thankyou too, Aloha. It means a lot to hear what you think of my writing. πŸ™‚

        I’m glad you liked my poem! I guess if I ever finish a book I’ll start thinking about getting it published. πŸ˜€ Apparently Barnes and Noble is going bust, so you may not see any of my work there! 😦

      • Aloha says:

        =( Well, yes, that kinda sucks about the book industry. See it in Kindle, then?

  2. Olivia says:

    This was awesome. XD The rhyming was great. *giggles*

    I can’t wait to see your books on the shelves. πŸ˜€

  3. draagyn12 says:

    Awesome! I totally agree with Bush Maid! = )

  4. KathrineROID says:

    Oh man, Aloha. . . you do realize it’s not uncommon for you to make my day? You really did it this time. I laughed so hard.

    β€œWouldn’t that be suicide?” Jessie asked, more to herself than anyone.

    Ha, get it, ’cause they’re in the same body? No? Not a good joke? Sorry.

    Not good joke? I was hooting!

  5. annanm says:

    The rhyming war was epic. I could just feel the tension emmanating from the words.
    I wish I could do something like NaNoWriMo, but I’m too picky about editing with fiction; at the end of the month, I’d probably only have 20 pages, picked to pieces.

    • Aloha says:

      Aw, but that’s the beauty of NaNoWriMo! Seat-of-your-pants writers (known as Pantsies during November), and nitpicking authors like you… It helps everyone get better! I suppose we have nine months for me to convince you to do it with us this year πŸ™‚

  6. Nia says:

    The rhyming war and the “wouldn’t that be suicide?” thing both completely cracked me up. So did the “A body bag” line. XDXDXD

  7. Tigers Eyes says:

    I seriously love your writing style Aloha xDD
    Not a good joke? – well, I think it was.
    I fully want to read your book.
    And since you probably wont let me I’ll just go sulk in a corner for a while and wait till you get published. =P

    • Aloha says:

      Thank you! That means a lot to me πŸ™‚

      Naw, those were just some of the highlights. Most of the book was HORRIBLE XD And I don’t mean that in a Facebook-uploaded “zoma I look so ugly in this picture!!11!” way, fishing for compliments. It’s honest-to-goodness bad. So I suppose we can both sulk and wait a few years =D

      • Tigers Eyes says:

        Well, it was nano written. =P But an awesome storyline. Unlike mine. Which is so crazy I dont think I’ve actually told anyone what it is… xDD

      • Aloha says:

        XD You HAVE to spill. NaNos are great because they’re just practices–they can be as crazy as you want, as long as you learn something from them. And if you can share with others what you’ve learned, it’s for the better πŸ™‚

  8. Tangy says:

    They are both gifted with rhyme.

    Also, can I steal this post idea?

    • Aloha says:

      Indeed. Although, I didn’t mention this in the post, but Bryce is one of her hallucinatory friends– Gail is schizophrenic– so I suppose he’s really only gifted with her sense of rhyme.

      Definitely! It’s not really an idea, I just crazily randomly happenstancingly decided to put up some novel-works. Go ahead! And let me know when you do post it, because I’d love to read it πŸ˜‰

      • Tangy says:

        Ah. I was wondering where Bryce came from, since he wasn’t mentioned in the summary.

        And I just posted it a couple of minutes ago.

      • Aloha says:

        Yeah, he’s her hallucinationatory best friend/irking sibling-like figure.

        I loved your post πŸ™‚ NaNo is amazing.

  9. Mercy says:

    I think that’s still the best book cover I’ve made, and it was like the … what, second or third one?
    Random: I’m at the public library right now, and I just walked past the librarian’s desk. One of them was reading Hyperbole and a Half. No joke. XD

    • Aloha says:

      Don’t sell yourself short, Mercy. I’ve seen some of the other covers you made, and they all look great!
      XDXD I hope you asked her if she was having “alot of fun” reading the blog! πŸ˜‰

  10. Seashell says:

    This is too funny. You need to seriously write this novel. I want to read the whole thing!

    • Aloha says:

      Well, I wrote 45k words of it…. if that counts….

      It kind of trickled off towards the end, along with my sanity. I finished the novel at about 4 A.M. with all my characters in a magical realm of cheesecake and rainbow ponies, without shoes, advancing towards their author that had broken the fourth wall and started talking to them. The next day I had little recollection of writing any of that. D:

  11. Pingback: These are the good parts. « The Adventure-Deprived

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