Yeah, I’m taking a day off from the schedule because my sister just got me a poster full of Chuck Norris jokes, and I figured I might as well share them here.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper. But Chuck Norris beats all three at the same time.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
When you say “nobody’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
There’s no “ctrl” button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris was an only child…. Eventually.
Chuck Norris supplements his already-substantial income by selling his beard trimmings to the local police department to be used as bulletproof vests.
Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday is just another year added to his existance. Which sucks for you.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris has never won the Academy award for acting…. because he’s not acting.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris. The result is death.
There’s an order to the universe: Space, time, Chuck Norris. Just kidding– Chuck Norris is first.
We don’t know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He’s never had one.
Chuck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes.
Chuck Norris’ smile once brought a puppy back to life.
Chuck Norris’ pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerkey.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendents are known today as giraffes.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe. He holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.