I know what you’re thinking– You were at the movie theater eight hours yesterday for the six-hour line and two-hour Harry Potter premiere, and today you went to go see Transformers? The one basically aimed at a core audience of thirteen-year old boys?
Well, yes. Long story short, I’m an idiot.
BUT, although the movie was basically a three-hour montage of explosions and shots of the main love interest (a Victoria’s Secret model) in what could be described as Victoria’s Secret merchandise, it was definitely a learning experience.
10 THINGS I LEARNED FROM TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
1. Just because someone used to be the President’s secretary doesn’t mean they’re particularly smart, or that they can handle stress/danger. Y’know, it’s not like there’s any of THAT in the White House.
2. When you know that the bad guys take the shape of very fancy, exotic-looking cars, and someone offers you a free, very fancy, exotic-looking car, YOU DO NOT ACCEPT IT.
3. Autobots don’t make great house pets.
4. A movie can lose serious credibility if every single one of the bad guys dies and there’s not a single “good guy” casualty. (That applies for novels, too!)
5. No matter how big a budget a movie has, or how many shots of Josh Duhamel it contains, it can still be terrible. A good plot– a good screenplay– is the core of a good movie. Not the names of the people acting in it or the $195 million dollars spent taking video of them.
6. Never use a red coffee cup on the yellow floor!
7. Don’t underestimate the Autobots, but especially don’t underestimate the Decepticons.
8. A bunch of really well-done post-apocalyptic CGI shots and an awesome end song (link) can go a long way.
9. There’s a reason you cast actual ACTORS, and not underwear models, for movies. Usually the leading stars have to be able to ACT….
Anyway, HP was really, really good. Transformers? Not so much. But that’s my opinion, and I’d like to hear yours.