One year from now, I will doubtless have become the complete Supreme Dooming Ruler overlord of the universe and beyond, but I’ll still have a certain amount of nostalgia for the days when I walked among the peasants and teachers still thought they had authority over me. For this reason I have written a letter to myself, to remind me to stay close to my roots and remain as humble as I am now. I will set an update to re-read this exactly one year from today. That’ll be fun.
(Note: the letter will be seventeen times cooler if you listen to this while reading.)
Dear Absolute Greatest Crowning Most Excellent Incomperable Sovereign Unmatched Supreme Dooming Ruler of Epicness with Unsurpassed Authority,
Because you are laughably forgetful (trust me, I know you), there’s a good chance you will hardly remember life from one year ago. Luckily for you, I more or less do remember, so I will enlighten you with my vast reserves of knowledge.
While you were a mere pawn in the game of life, taking orders from others and having to make your bed every morning (pah, I’m sure you can hardly imagine), you dreamed of a more fulfulling life. A life in which people acknowledged your intellect. A world where you were known for your talent. A place where you ruled with an iron fist, grasping hold of society and turning it into something beautiful.
One year later, that dream has become your reality, O Supreme Ruler of Doom. Congratulations on your rise to the top of the world. May the force be with you.
I would imagine that among the perks of being the sole owner of Earth, an unlimited supply of cheesecake ranks high. Your minion llamas surely enforce your reign, as well, and the slaves (read: popular crowd) can generate enough chocolate milk to quench your thirst for righteousness and Nesquik. You have earned this through your struggle. Take pride in the success that’s led to this comfort.
Now throw back your head and give a laugh that would make Light Yagami quake. Slip on your Dr. Horrible-coveted custom gloves. Wear your bubble vest and proclaim to the world: You are Aloha, and you shall not be overtaken!
And if that portal to the fictional realm that you’ve siphoned $79.2 billion dollars from the federal account to make ever amounts to anything, your next step had better be a time machine. I expect Artemis Fowl.
That is all. Have a nice day.
Future Absolute Greatest Crowning Most Excellent Incomperable Sovereign Unmatched Supreme Dooming Ruler of Epicness with Unsurpassed Authority