The Best of Michael Scott

In honor of Steve Carell leaving The Office (I know, it happened a long, long time ago), let’s take a walk down memory lane with some of Michael’s best (and cleanest) quotes.

Michael Scott: Ladies and gentleman, I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
Oscar: Where?
Michael Scott: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her, life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why would you have to phrase is like that?


Michael Scott: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.


Michael Scott: [screaming into the office] I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!


Michael Scott: [after sipping wine] That is sort of an oaky afterbirth.
Jim Halpert: What was that?


Michael Scott: [on phone] Hey Pam, yeah, I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentally. I’ll be like three hours late.


Michael Scott: Who’s ahead in points?
Pam Beesly: I think they’re even. At various times you gave Jim, 10 points, Dwight, a gold star and Stanley, a thumbs-up. And I don’t really know how to compare those units.
Michael Scott: Well check to see if there’s a conversion chart in that notebook.
Pam Beesly: I really doubt it Michael.
Michael Scott: Please just check.


Michael Scott: What happens to a company if you take the boss away. I will answer your question with a question. It’s like what happens to a chicken, when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be, a chicken head.


Michael Scott: Everybody in here stat. No time to lose. CRIMAN Squa F and C double time.
Dwight Schrute: CRIMAN Squa?
Michael Scott: Crisis management squad.
Ryan: F and C, double time?
Michael Scott: Front and center, twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions?
Jim Halpert: One more. Why are you talking like that?
Michael Scott: To save time, Jim.


Michael Scott: Mrs. Allen is our most important client. Because, every client is our most important client. Even though she’s a pretty unimportant client, really.

About Aloha

A teen writer and future world ruler. Llamas make me happy.
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2 Responses to The Best of Michael Scott

  1. haha these are hilarious and I’ve never even watched that show.

    • Aloha says:

      You should– it’s HILARIOUS.

      There are some moments where I cough up my chocolate milk, snort it out my nose, fall out of the chair, and roll on the ground (literally) laughing until my abs hurt and I start choking.

      It’s so good.

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