Famous Last Words

I’m not referring to the MCR song, but here’s a link anyway 🙂 I love the song, but the music video just looks like they’re parodying themselves.

I mean, wearing enough eyeliner (or mascara? or eyeshadow? see, this is how much I know about makeup) to camouflage a polar bear as a black bear is one thing, but at this point:

When he rolls down on the ground and sings in the dirt, it’s like, “Dude. Take a chill pill.”

“Actually, scratch that, stay away from the drugs and just go see a therapist. Also, there’s a house burning down behind you and you’re just breaking your guitar! That’s NOT going to help matters!”

RANT ASIDE, we all know “All my possessions for a moment in time”, and similar classic famous last words (and if you’re a Vlogbrothers fan, you probably know quite a few more), but it seems no one in literature and movies ever uses those anymore. Here are my ideas for what should be the new “classics”.

“Hey… I wonder if they’re friendly…?”

“What an idiot… of course this isn’t poisonous!”

“Er…. Did that taste funny to you?”

“Trust me, it’s physically impossible to bleed to death from a paper cut….”

*six hours later*

“Trust me, it’s completely possible to bleed to death from a paper cut…”

“This won’t hurt, will it?”

“I am an unnamed, low-ranking military officer on a foreign planet taking a casual walk in the woods in the middle of the night looking for nothing in particular right before the theme song of a science fiction series.” *whistling*

“This happened in a movie once…. The character didn’t come back for the sequel….”

“I should have listened to the tour guide.”

“Don’t worry—I trust you, Draco!”

“Come again… Your name is Inigo Montoya and I did what to your father?”

 “This little guy couldn’t hurt a fly…”

“Hey Edward Elric! You’re really short, you know that?”

“Didn’t this happen in a Reader’s Digest feature story?”

And famous last scenarios…

Your name is Billy. You’re the son of a chemist. You go to take a drink of water…

A Twilight fangirl accidentally walks into the Harry Potter theater, shouting something about Jacob’s abs. Sixty people pull out their wands.

You’re the only one who studied for the Algebra II midterms. The grade is curved.

.

Oh, and on a total awesome note, I randomly found out today (power of Wikipedia, FTW!!) that the voice actor for Perry the Platypus, Dee Bradley Baker, also does the voices for Appa and Momo from Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Get this– he’s also the safety and launch voice for California Screamin’, and the entrance parrot on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

I think this guy needs more of a Chuck Norris-esque reputation.

Check it out!

About Aloha

A teen writer and future world ruler. Llamas make me happy.
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6 Responses to Famous Last Words

  1. I’m sitting here like, “I have no idea what I just read but I liked it.” I think I’ll go to bed now. Thanks for making me smile at one in the morning 😀

  2. melsar93 says:

    OK. That was some good stuff.

    Here’s one –

    Emperor Palpatine: “Wait, what!?! I didn’t even know you had kids.”

  3. annanm says:

    I personally like Groucho Marx’s last words: “Die, my dear? Why, that’s the last thing I’ll do!”

  4. Liam Wood says:

    Just call it kohl (the eyeliner stuff). Here are a few more last words:
    Pull the pin and count to what?
    I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.
    What duck?
    It’s probably just a rash.

    Yes, the human race is remarkably stupid. (That wasn’t one of the last words, though it could be.)

  5. Mercy says:

    That was hilarious.

  6. Liam Wood says:

    Or the age-old one, “Urrkk!”

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