And no, school today wasn’t that good. But I found a website (courtesy of SquirrelGirl’s deviantArt page, for those who know her) that takes your first name and gender to write things that sound like the punchline of a Norris joke. Here’s the site, and here’s some of mine. (And some sarcastic commentary in parentheses, but what else is new?)
Aloha CAN believe it’s not butter.
Aloha brushes her teeth with barbed wire. (And leaves it in 24/7. It’s called braces.)
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Aloha.”
Aloha’s first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
Police label anyone attacking Aloha as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
Aloha can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.
Aloha doesn’t have blood. She is filled with magma. (Nosebleeds are epic.)
Aloha’s sweat has burned holes in concrete. (She was excused from P.E. class.)
Aloha can create a rock so heavy that even she can’t lift it. And then she lifts it.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Aloha”.
Aloha once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower. (But usually she prefers Siberian tigers under waterfalls. Rinse and repeat.)
The active ingredient in Red Bull is Aloha’s sweat.
Earth’s emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Aloha. (And for zombie apocalypses…. well, Earth is on their own there. I have my own agenda.)
Aloha can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. (Unless said horse is the four-legged Aloha….. then it’s fair game.)
When Aloha calls 1-900 numbers, she doesnt get charged. She holds up the phone and money falls out.
When Aloha looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Aloha and Aloha.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep. Aloha was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
Not everyone that Aloha is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. (Stargates are also labeled “escape hatches”.)
Aloha can drown a fish. (With her left thumb.)
Once a cobra bit Aloha’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Aloha has to register every part of her body as a separate lethal weapon. Her spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states. (And don’t even ask about that left thumb.)
I want to hear what you get– so try it out and put some in the comments below 😀